Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize