the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We got so high we made milksteak
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So many bounce houses so little time
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
