I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize