my mouth tastes like poor choices
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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