I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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