Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
