In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
