remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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