Just cropdusted the office
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
