Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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