sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
