I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
