I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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