I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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