She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
