you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
