i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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