i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
