You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
