Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
