my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
