There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize