When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
