we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
