he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
