There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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