Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize