I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
