pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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