you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
