Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
