I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
