You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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