Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
