No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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