I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize