I want to stick my p in your. b.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
