My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I stole a fireplace last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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