I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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