return my video game
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
