3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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