I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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