I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
