He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
