Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize