Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
