sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She said her name was "party"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
