Already got asked if we're dating
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
