Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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