You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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