fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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