it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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