i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
