The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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