watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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