Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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