I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
