That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize