I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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