Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
