Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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