A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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