i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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