Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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