you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
