Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
