i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
