I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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