this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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