All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
