Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize