On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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