One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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