I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
