i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
